Well its taken me a while to get to part 2 of my blog, but here we go..
When i say “day two” i’m talking about my second day in hell, at the hospital in the ICU unit with my little boy. We still hadn’t had gotten an MRI on Rylan’s brain (we where told this would come later in the day). The day started off with a meeting with Rylan’s team of amazing doctors explaining that overnight Rylan had shown no signs of improvement, he still had a machine breathing for him, adrenalin to help pump his heart and keep his blood pressure stable, antibiotics just in case there was any infections that had caused this to happen and morphine to keep Rylan comfortable.
I went into day two with hope, knowing that we would have his MRI results by the end of the day, these results would tell us if Rylan had brain damage and if he did how bad it was, we already knew there was some damage as his pupils had no response, his body would stay stiff (unless muscle relaxants where used) and his little body was not controlling his temperature but again i had the hope that there would be minimal damage and he could still pull through.
On day two my amazing aunty flew in to Melbourne to be by my side and help with my daughter, i was overwhelmed with messages and calls from concerned loved ones and i had family preparing to drop every thing to be here, i don’t know what i would have done without all that support.
Day two went quite fast, we stayed by Rylan’s side making sure a family member was always by his side, the day went on with lots of blood tests, medication changed, doctors in and out and finally the dreaded MRI scan. They got Rylan all prepped and ready to go (no easy task i might add!!) and i walked by his bedside until i wasn’t aloud any further, i kissed him goodbye and got ready to play the waiting game.
After an hour Ry was back up in his room and we where waiting while doctors looked at his results. At about 4pm the doctors where ready to sit us down and confirm what they already knew. Ry had gone too long without oxygen and his brain was severely damaged IF Ry made it out of the ICU unit he would never walk, talk, see, hear, or eat. He would have no motor skill and had lost the ability to think. They also thought he many constantly need a machine to breathe for him, what sort of life is that?
Do we keep him on life support? what if he was suffering? could something magically happen? is there any chance he could wake up and be ok? did they have it wrong? had they double checked and checked again?
All these questions where running through my mind, but at the end of the day i kept as level headed as possible and i knew that if Rylan did make it out of ICU his quality of life would be poor and i didn’t want my baby to suffer. All hope was gone, reality had smacked me in the face and i knew at that moment Rylan was going to die.
We had all made the decision that we would have one last night with Rylan and then we would let him go to heaven and be at peace, i went with the doctors and had a look at his MRI scan, I’m no doctor but i needed to see for myself. After that i went back to Rylan’s room in the ICU and prepared for my last night with him.
The Melbourne Royal Children’s hospital was AMAZING Rylan’s nurse was beautiful and all the staff where amazing, i would often come into his room and to hear the nurses chatting away to him, every time they had to move him they would explain to him what they where doing and let him know he would be ok, i took great comfort in knowing that his care could not get any better!
On our last night the nurses made a special bed for rylan and i so i could cuddle him and he could sleep in my arms, this is a moment i will treasure forever and be so grateful i had, right before i fell asleep i told rylan it would be ok , he can let go, he was such a fighter and i was so proud of him, i fell asleep that night with Rylan by my side for the very last time.
The next day was a blur, we gave ry his last bath and dressed him, everyone had their last cuddle, we took hand and foot prints and prepared as best we could. Over night Rylans condition continued to decline and nature was making the decision for us in the end. At 3pm it was time, i held Rylan close and cuddled him just like i had been doing for the last 8 weeks, the doctors removed his tubes and i stood at the window watching how beautiful it was out side and i rocked him in my arms until i felt his last breath.